Goodnight
by SlayrGrl55
Summary: post Chosen: Buffy's inability to cope with the loss of Spike, until Faith gives her a few words of wisdom.


Title: Goodnight

Author: Anna

Rating: PG-13

Feedback: pretty please!

Disclaimer: I don't own any part of BtVS… believe me, I tried buying it on the eBay auction…

Note: takes place after 'Chosen'

          A breeze blows up from the crater formerly known as Sunnydale and it blows Buffy's hair back from her face. And she is smiling. Buffy Anne Summers is smiling. Why? Because not only had the world been saved, but also now she could enjoy it. She is free. They all are. They can go wherever they want. So she smiles.

          But why isn't she happy?

          Spike. She isn't happy because Spike isn't here to be happy with.

          _She begs him to come with her. She tells him that he's done his share, and he can still make it out._ They_ can still make it out. But he refuses. There is such conviction in his voice that she has no doubt he really means it. This is his penance. This is what he has to do._

_          But she's never accepted anything he has done before this, so why start now?_

_          "I mean it. I've gotta do this." Spike insists._

_          She's crying now. There are tears running down her dirty face and she doesn't even try to hold them back. She's just realized that he's not coming with her. He's stubborn that way._

_          Slowly she reaches out her hand and interlocks it with his. This action takes him by surprise, and he looks at her in confusion for a second. Their intertwined hands erupt in flames, but they each hold back their pain._

_          She tightens her hold on his hand and takes a deep breath. She's going to say it. Finally. She's been hiding it from herself, hiding it from him, because it was never the right time. But now is exactly the right time._

_          She looks deep into his eyes and says it._

_          "I love you." She's surprised at the sound of her own voice. It sounds so child-like. She knows its because she's crying, but also because she has even amazed herself._

_          He wants to hug her, kiss her and tell her he loves her too. Most of all he wants to run with her. But he knows he can't. This is his task to complete and he knows it._

_"You don't." He answers, "But thanks for saying it." He doesn't want to say it, but he knows it's the only thing that will make her go. If he had done what he wanted, she might not have left and she would die down in the hellmouth, with him._

_But just knowing that fact is enough for him. She has to keep living. She has more to do before she returns to heaven. He can't let her stay._

_The earth shakes and she stumbles backwards, her hand falling from his._

_"Now go!" He commands her to go and for once she does as she's told. "I wanna see how it ends."_

And now she stands at the edge of the enormous crater, longing for him. She looks down into the cracks and crevices of the dusty rock and she silently hopes to catch a glimpse of that bleach-blonde head.

'Maybe he made it out.' She thinks, 'Maybe the necklace protected him.' She clings to that hope as the others converse around her. Something about what they should do now? She doesn't hear them, though. She still searches for him.

The sun goes down and she is still standing there. She hasn't even moved. The Scoobies and the potentials… no, wait. The slayers. They were slayers now. The Scoobies and the Slayers are worried about her. None of them are sure why she is so unresponsive. Except for Faith. Faith saw part of their last moments together, and she understood.

As the moon casts an eerie glow across the California desert, Faith exits the bus of sleeping survivors and silently comes to stand next to Buffy. She stares out into the hollowness before her, unconsciously mimicking Buffy's position.

Buffy, of course, says nothing. Faith isn't even sure Buffy knows she's there. She takes a chance.

"Hey B. You in there?" Faith searches Buffy's face for a hint of recognition, but finds nothing. "Okay, fair enough."

Faith begins to walk away, but turns back to Buffy.

"I know what you're doing." She says. Her voice, however soft, echoes and returns to her. "You're waiting for him." Cautiously she reaches out a hand and places it on Buffy's shoulder. "I get that." A few more moments pass.

"I know you're scared, and lonely. Nothing I can say is gonna change that. And nothing you do is gonna change it either. You can't just stand out here forever." She removes her hand and stands in front of Buffy, blocking her view. Surprisingly, Buffy's gaze moves upwards to meet Faith's.

"Spike saved the world so that you wouldn't have to. He saved it so that you could live in it. I don't know the whole story about what went on between the two of you, but I have no doubt that he loved you. And I think you loved him, too."

Buffy still says nothing, just stares into Faith's eyes. Under the attention, Faith looks down. She can't think of anything more to say, so instead she decided to leave. She tried, and that's what matters.

"But Buffy, I'm here for you." she doesn't turn back to face her, because she knows Buffy will not look back at her, "And Spike?" She looked up into the star-filled sky. "He's up there, waiting for you." She looks back at the ground, and her last words come out as a whisper. "Make him proud."

Faith disappears into the bus and Buffy is left alone again. However unresponsive, Buffy heard every word that Faith had to say.

A tear runs down her cheek and she moves a hand to wipe it away. She cringes, her muscles sore from her lack of movement. Her gaze has returned to the crater, transfixed.

The wheels turn in her head and she finally understands that Spike is gone. Her denial fades and leaves despair in its wake.

Ever so slowly, she turns away from the desert basin and back towards the bus of her sleeping companions.

She steps up into the bus and surveys the scene. Everyone is sleeping, including Faith. She lowers herself into a seat and brings her knees up to her chin. She leans back and rests her head on the window, gazing into the vast desert.

In her mind she can still hear Faith's words, and she knows the younger slayer is correct. She can still feel Spike's spirit surrounding her, and the fire of his touch on her hand.

As she closes her eyes, a smile forms on her lips.

"Goodnight, Spike."

Author's Note: Did anyone else feel like curling up into a ball and crying after watching that?! Oh, just me then. Anyway, I hope you liked my take on the end of 'Chosen' and that you'll review and make me happy!


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